15 funny Billy Connolly quotes

Billy Connolly has been announced as the recipient of the Special Recognition Award at this year's National Television Awards (NTAs) so to celebrate here are 15 of our favourite quotes from the comedian.

1. "Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!”

2. "There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter."

3. “I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning... that can keep me awake for days.”

4. “Marriage is a wonderful invention; but then again so is a bicycle repair kit.” Image: Billy and his wife Pamela Stephenson

5. "Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he THINK he was doing at the time?"

6. "I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There's no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing, so get yourself a sexy raincoat and live a little."

7. "My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo."

8. "What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out. What do they expect to find?"

9. "So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?"

10. "I'm a huge film star... but you have to hurry to the movies, because I usually die in the first 15 minutes. I'm the only guy I know who died in a Muppets movie."

Image: Billy picking up his CBE.

11. "Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosy... doesn't try it on."

12. "That man (Ronald Reagan), he sits at that desk in the White House, and the button is there that can end the world: BOOM! My father's younger than him and we don't give him the controls for the television!"

13. "I’m actually pale blue: it takes me a week of sunbathing to turn white."

14. "A lot of people say that it's a lack of vocabulary that makes you swear. Rubbish. I know thousands of words but I still prefer 'f---.'"

15. "When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it?”

Oscar winner Dustin Hoffman will present the award honouring Connolly's remarkable career and celebrate his 50 years as a unique, much-loved and highly respected performer.

The NTAs will be broadcast live on STV on January 20th 2016.

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