Survey shows the older we get the fewer friends we have

Data asked for people's experience of making and losing friends

Author: Mick CoylePublished 27th Sep 2024

The average person over the age of 55 has just 11 close friends, almost half the number of those between the ages of 16-24.

New data suggests our ability to make new friendships as we get older falters - with around one in eight over 55s not having any friends at all.

The friendship survey from NOMO also found:

  • 22% of people get anxious talking to new people
  • One in five struggle to make small-talk
  • 14% miss events because they have no one to go with
  • Only one in three say they have "enough" friends

People struggle to make new friends

The survey suggests anxiety around approaching new people, not knowing what to talk about or feeling a stigma in talking to strangers were some of the reasons people struggled to make new friends.

More than half felt people should talk more in public, but blamed nerves, fear of rejection and not wanting to make a fuss as a reason to keep quiet.

Women were more likely than men to feel lonely, and were more likely to not have any "close" friends.

Max Dickins is author of the book "Billy No Mates: How I Realised Men Have a Friendship Problem".

He was inspired to speak out after struggling to pick a Best Man for his planned wedding and has been telling Planet Rock losing friends, or letting friendships lapse is a real issue: "(As we get older) we're spending our social time with smaller and smaller numbers of people, or getting into the habit of just sitting on the couch to watch TV and it gets harder and harder to break out of it.

"And it can become nerve-wracking because the more we opt out of it the bigger a deal it becomes to get back into it.

"People who are busy often drop the ball, so they get to certain points when you do audits, maybe getting married, or getting divorced and you go 'Oh my goodness, where have all my friends gone?' and it happens gradually."

Max recommends starting new hobbies as a good way to make new friends: "Think to yourself 'What do I like?' 'What do I enjoy doing?' then ask 'Where are people doing that?' and I know it sounds blindingly obvious, but where are people meeting repeatedly to do this thing?

"If you show up there enough you'll find friendship happen almost by accident."

Why do friendships fail?

Family life, people moving away or simply losing touch are some of the reasons friendships fall by the wayside.

One in 20 were quite happy to have no friends at all, while around 8% felt they didn't have much in common with their current friends.

The survey also found coffee drinkers, dog walkers, and train and bus users were most likely to spark a conversation with a stranger - with the offer of sharing chocolate, biscuits or cake the most likely conversation starter.

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