Baby Loss Awareness Week: The stories
This week, Northsound 1 is putting together a series of special reports about the hidden heartbreak of families who have lost a baby.
Last updated 10th Oct 2022
Every two hours, somewhere in the UK, a baby dies in the final stages of pregnancy, or in the first moments of life.
This week, we're shining a light on the hidden heartbreak of families who've experienced a stillbirth, miscarriage, or neonatal death, and the importance of breaking down the stigma surrounding it.
Some readers may find these stories upsetting.
Louise's story
Louise Caldwell, from East Kilbride, lost her unborn baby during Baby Loss Awareness Week in 2019.
As she was 13 weeks pregnant at the time, she had to deliver her baby in a labour ward at University Hospital Hairmyres.
"We didn't know what to expect, or what was going to happen, and then to add to the mix that we were in a labour ward surrounded by cards, flowers, and balloons, knowing that women were delivering their babies, where I was going to deliver my sleeping baby, wasn't a nice feeling at all."
She said: "It felt like I was being paraded, like 'look what you could have had', and I hate that feeling that's with me. I can't shake it, and I can't help but feel dirty.
"I was completely traumatised from the get-go. I was completely frozen in fear"
Louise has successfully campaigned for specialist baby loss units within hospitals across Scotland, after being spurred on by her own experience.
Two soundproofed rooms are now being developed at University Hospital Wishaw, which should open at the end of this month.
READ MORE: Specialist miscarriage delivery units to be introduced in Wishaw after campaign by East Kilbride mum
READ MORE: Scottish mum campaigning for miscarriage facilities on all UK labour wards
Heather and Gary's story
Heather Denham, who is also from East Kilbride, has experienced the loss of four babies between 2020 and 2022.
"I had to have sleeping tablets because I was waking up screaming in the middle of the night.
"I was back there (getting the scan that showed her baby had passed away), and if it wasn't that nightmare, I was waking up to feed a baby that wasn't there."
Heather needed surgery after losing her daughter Jorgia at 20 weeks last April. Following that, she says she was so wary of having medical treatment, the next time she miscarried, she ended up haemorrhaging at home.
She told Northsound 1 the experience has left her scared to try for another baby.
"I no longer get any enjoyment out of being pregnant - all I do is worry"
"My anxiety levels are through the roof, and I always say to Gary that I'm not ready to dive down that hole and be stuck down there".
Heather's husband, Gary, says there needs to be more mental health support for partners, following the loss of a baby.
He said: "A lot of it seems to be geared towards the mother, and there isn't much thought given to how the father feels about it, and how he's coping with it.
"I'm a typical guy - I just wanted to put my head down and power on, go to work and do what I needed to do, and try to get back to a sense of normality.
"But without help from a charity, and I've always said, if I didn't have our son Jack, I probably wouldn't be here after what we went through last year."
Wendy's story
Wendy Kirkwood, from Kilmarnock, first fell pregnant after getting married in 2010, but discovered at her first scan that she had miscarried just after 8 weeks.
She then went on to miscarry four more times, and on each occasion, she had to have surgical intervention, as her body wouldn't recognise that she had miscarried.
She was treated in the maternity unit at Crosshouse Hospital, and told Northsound 1: "It's heartbreaking. You feel very selfish, and you think 'why can't they the other mothers in the ward go through the same thing as me?
"Why can't they experience how I feel? Why do they get to be happy?
"But you just become numb to it when you've gone through it so many times"."
"You go home with nothing but a medical slip and paracetamol"
Wendy says there has to be better aftercare for women following baby loss.
She said: "It's the typical 'here's support from these services, here are the telephone numbers', but other than that it feels like they've ticked a box.
"But other than that, there is no follow up. You're very much left to your own devices."