Funny Billy Connolly quotes
"There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter."
Billy Connolly won the Special Recognition Award at this year's National Television Awards (NTAs) to celebrate here are 15 of our favourite quotes from the comedian.
- "Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!”
- "There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter."
- “I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning... that can keep me awake for days.”
- “Marriage is a wonderful invention; but then again so is a bicycle repair kit.” Image: Billy and his wife Pamela Stephenson
- "Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he THINK he was doing at the time?"
- "I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There's no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing, so get yourself a sexy raincoat and live a little."
- "My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo."
- "What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out. What do they expect to find?"
- "So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?"
- "I'm a huge film star... but you have to hurry to the movies, because I usually die in the first 15 minutes. I'm the only guy I know who died in a Muppets movie."
Image: Billy picking up his CBE.
- "Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosy... doesn't try it on."
- "That man (Ronald Reagan), he sits at that desk in the White House, and the button is there that can end the world: BOOM! My father's younger than him and we don't give him the controls for the television!"
- "I’m actually pale blue: it takes me a week of sunbathing to turn white."
- "When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it?”