'It was soul-destroying' - Bereaved parents face postcode lottery during Baby Loss

A leading charity is warning women who experience baby loss don't always receive the same level of care, depending on where they live.

This week we're shining a light on the hidden heartbreak of women and families who suffer miscarriage, stillbirth and neo-natal death.

According to Sands, 97 per cent of UK hospital trusts say they have dedicated bereavement suites on site, where families can be looked after during their darkest times.

Bereavement suites

Hospitals which have invested in these spaces can offer care away from busy maternity wards, and allow families to engage with bereavement teams and take part in memory-making activities like taking photos or making hand/foot prints.

But Sands says although the situation is improving, there are still hospitals that aren't able to offer the best available care pathway.

This means some bereavement rooms are not soundproofed, so families can often hear the noise of a busy labour ward while they are grieving the loss of a child, while others share entrance, corridor and lift space with other maternity patients.

READ: Mums share their stories for Baby Loss Awareness Week

Some hospitals don't have facilities where family members and partners can stay.

Louise had to give birth in a hospital that had no dedicated space for women who'd suffered miscarriage.

She told us: "I was completely traumatised form the get-go, I was completely frozen in fear by those words 'the Labour Ward.'

"I assumed there were stand alone clinics, I went my whole life assuming that, so it was a shock when the hospital staff said 'You'll have to deliver in the Labour ward.'"

'It felt like I was being paraded'

Louise continued: "It felt like I was being paraded in a 'this is what you could have won' scenario and I hate that feeling that's with me, I can't shake that feeling, I can't help but feel dirty with that feeling."

Gary Denham's wife had to deliver their daughter, Jorgia, in a labour ward after she passed away at 20 weeks.

He's told us that experience will always stay with them: "To be faced with us sitting with a baby who would never cry, and to hear other people having healthy babies, it was soul-destroying."

Bereavement rooms offering support and care

Marc Harder from Baby Loss charity Sands says getting care right from the start can make a massive difference.

He told us: "While excellent bereavement care can't bring that baby back it can perhaps make the first part of the bereavement journey a little more manageable than it otherwise might have been.

"I would never say makes it easier, as it's never an easy journey."

Speaking about the benefits of dedicated bereavement spaces, he told us: "These are spaces that are airy, that are light, that are away from the busy labour ward and are accessible.

"They're a special space for mother and partner and family to spend time with their baby and create memories, and if its well furnished, tastefully decorated, soundproofed, with an ensuite and a sofa bed for the partner to stay overnight, these can be incredible sanctuaries for families in the midst of their grief."

Long-lasting impact of baby loss

He says over the years, many women and families have come forward to say their experience in hospital ward had a negative impact on their ability to cope with their grief.

He said: "Many have told us over time they found it exceptionally difficult in that they were were cared for, but within earshot of crying babies and happy families coming into celebrate the birth of a much longed-for new arrival, and it does have a lasting effect on women and their partners.

"That's one of the thing we at Sands, and our partners promote to have not just a space but a space which is soundproofed and away from busy wards.

"Its not always practical to have that room away from a busy labour ward, and in many cases women will still need to receive that medical care but it is about getting that balance right."

Find out more about the Bereavement Care Pathway from Sands

There are organisations and resources available where you can get support if you've experienced Baby Loss

The Baby Loss Awareness Alliance has links to national and local services.

We'll have more Baby Loss Awareness Week coverage on KISS Fresh throughout the week.

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