Brave mums share their heartbreaking stories of baby loss

13 babies die in the UK each day through miscarriage, still birth, pregnancy complications and neo-natal death.

The effects can be devastating and long lasting.

For Baby Loss Awareness Week 2022, we're opening up the conversation and creating a platform for mums who would like to share their stories to speak out.

We'll hear how they were impacted personally, we'll take a look at the long-term consequences of baby loss, and we'll provide links to support services where you can find more information.

LISTEN: Mums share their stories of baby loss

Sharon's story

Identical twins Charlie and Joshua were born in September 1999.

Mum Sharon was taken to hospital after going into labour at 26 weeks, and the twins were born the following morning, 13 minutes apart.

Charlie weight 1lb 12oz and Joshua 1lb 10. Tragically, both died within their first 13 days of their arrival.

Sharon told us: "In some ways its quite a blur, people say to me 'Oh you were so brave' or 'How did you get through it?' but you don't have a choice.

"You have to get through it.

"We had a really difficult time, with lots of ups and downs on the neonatal ward.

"Me and my husband would have ups and downs at different times, so when I was OK he'd be having a really hard time and then it would turn around. Afterwards, I'd think he seemed ok, he'd gone back to work, and then I'd find out on the way back from work he'd stopped in at the cemetery."

Sharon says the support she received from NHS staff made a big difference in the days after losing Charlie and then Joshua.

"I was very led by the midwives, particularly when they died, they were asking about the memory-making things - making their hand and footprints, did I want a lock of hair, did I want to bath them? Luckily my midwives were amazing, so I have got all those lovely memories."

Supporting other parents who've experienced Baby Loss

Sharon says the effects of losing twins, or any child, has a lasting legacy on the parents.

"It's definitely a lifetime thing - would they have got married? would they have both loved football? In the initial days those things are so hard to think about, but now I like to think about those things, I like to wonder what they would be doing and have time to think about them."

Sharon now helps provide peer-support for parents going through the same experience at Twins Trust, and has found sharing her story and creating a community that can support bereaved families through difficult times has helped her deal with her personal grief.

"For me talking has been so important, talking and saying my twins names and sharing things about them has been so important. Keeping their memory alive is so important.

"In the wider community, there is definitely a taboo there, but what I would say is everybody does want to talk about their grief. You're not upsetting them, they're upset already.

"Just be there, just give the support and be led by the person you're trying to support."

Rachel's story

Rachel Wilson's daughter Ophelia, who was one of twins, died after Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS) was diagnosed six years ago.

The syndrome means both babies share the same placenta and blood vessel network, but imbalances on how blood is exchanged can put both lives at risk.

Rachel told us: “Ophelia was twin 2 of identical twins.

"We realised very early on that we were going to have a very hard pregnancy. We were diagnosed at 12weeks with TTTS, Ophelia being the donor.

"(Doctors) decided to do a laser ablation to separate the two girls at the early stage of 17 weeks. At 18 weeks as a result of the surgery my waters broke.

"I went into natural labour (just before 28 weeks) and after a few attempts to stop my labour we realised it was progressing quickly and I delivered both girls at 03:45 and 03:46. Both went straight to the neonatal ICU.

"However Ophelia was not coping and we were told that she was dying.

"We managed to get grandparents and an aunt to come and witness a blessing and then she died in my arms nine hours after birth."

Diagnosed with PTSD

Rachel was later diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, after discussing aspects of the birth with her partner and sister: "My husband's memory, and my sister's memory is very different to my memory because I have PTSD. I do remember living in that moment and thinking 'They're going to be fine' but actually the reality was very different."

"It was actually my mind and my bodies way of helping me cope, of trying to protect me and help me in that instance of that traumatic event. Then further down the line it has made things more blurry."

Rachel told us she was relieved to get a diagnosis about PTSD, as it helped her understand her recollections of that day, and explain why her memories differed from that of others in the room.

She says it even impacted her dreams: "I would have blank spots in my dreams, I'd almost be present in what I remember, but there are faces that are blank.

"Some things are starting to come back very gradually but in total I just don't remember a whole lot about that day."

KISS Fresh would like to thank Sharon and Rachel for being so open in discussing their experience of Baby Loss.

You can hear more from them in this week's #MentalHealthMonday Podcast

Baby Loss Awareness Week

We'll be hearing more stories from people like Sharon and Rachel on KISS Fresh throughout the week, plus we'll be looking at what services are like nationally and locally to support women and their families experiencing baby loss.

There are organisations and resources available where you can get support.

The Baby Loss Awareness Alliance has links to national and local services.

To find out more about the work of Twins Trust, you can visit the bereavement section of their website

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