No more ‘ticking boxes’: Suicide loss survivor says more personal support needed for mental ill-health
Suzy Clifford from Suffolk lost her husband to suicide in 2009.
It's World Suicide Prevention Day, and communities around the world are raising awareness about issues surrounding mental health.
More than 5,000 people die by suicide every year in England, Scotland and Wales.
Suzy Clifford, the service manager for Hope after Suicide Loss in Suffolk, says mental health support for the families of suicide victims needs to be more tailored to their individual response.
She told us that grief after a loved one dying is more complex and traumatic than mourning an accidental or homicide death.
"Suicide is the only death on the planet where the person has died by their own hand. So that becomes an emotional mountain to climb. The guilt, the idea that we could or should have prevented it."
Suzy lost her husband to suicide in June 2009 when he was 59 years old.
She said it was, and still is, ‘the most traumatic experience’ she has ever gone through.
"When somebody ends their own life, it can be like the life of everybody else in their life is wiped out as well," she said.
Suzy sought help to deal with her trauma but was only offered time-limited therapy by mostly general bereavement organisations.
She said, "For mental health, it’s got to be personal services and stop this thinking that we can tick boxes and 12 sessions and all this kind of stuff. People are people. They’re individuals.
"If you break your leg there’s no choice: you have to stop and adapt your life accordingly. But of could with mental health, you could actually run the marathon. It’s different rules there."
In 2019, Suzy founded Hope After Suicide Loss to help people dealing with suicide loss in Norfolk and Suffolk.
She says the term ‘commit suicide’ is outdated and remnant of the days when suicide was deemed a crime. It was decriminalised in 1961, but the language has continued.
Some people who blame the person for ending their life still use the word "commit" intentionally to highlight that they see it as their fault.
Suzy prefers the term "died by suicide", but acknowledges that even ‘suicide’ is difficult for some survivors, who prefer to say ‘took his/her life’.
She said, "If you’ve been seriously affected by suicide, either now or in the past and you haven’t delt with it so that it becomes a trauma, it’s never too late to invest in yourself. Whether it’s recent or past, be kind to yourself, commit to your own mental health.
"It may take some time, it may take a lot of time and it could be painful but in the very long term, the reward of being able to live with that knowledge that someone you loved has taken their life, and understand with compassion that they were in a very dark place, is very empowering."
You can find out more about support available here.