Calls for more support for new Mums in North Yorkshire
We've launched a special investigation into maternal mental health in the County
There are calls for more mental health support for women in North Yorkshire after they have a baby.
Jess Anderson lives in Thirsk and says she felt detached from her baby after giving birth and began suffering from severe intrusive thoughts where she thought about harming herself so that she could be taken to hospital on her own. She rang the crisis line and was admitted to a mother & baby unit for a few weeks.
She has been sharing her story with us.
"I remember it clearly. It was the second May bank holiday because I always seem to have myself real crises when it's the most inconvenient time and it got to a point where I just wanted her nowhere near me. I wanted to sort of run out of the house and never come back and at that point, we sort of rang the crisis line."
"In the night, if she cried, just paralysed with fear. Just couldn't move and was terrified and that's probably when I knew something something wasn't right. At first when I got home, I thought right, it'll be fine now, I'm back home with my husband and have that support and it's just sort of baby blues, you know, a bit emotional.
"But then I think probably within a couple of weeks, I'm sort of fairly in tune with my mental health cause I've had sort of anxiety and depression on and off throughout my life. I was like, something isn't right there and I felt myself feeling sort of increasingly not wanting to be around Lydia."
"Any excuse to sort of palm her off. I think I remember going to bed every night hoping that either I or her didn't wake up and I remember just putting some water on to boil for some peas or something like that and just thinking if I just tip that over me, then I'll have to go to hospital without her."
"You're meant to feel this joy and I remember when she was born, sort of thinking well, society thinks that I should have this overwhelming urge of love. So I need to sort of pretend that I feel that way and, you know, be concerned she had to have just a little help, with sort of breathing and stuff and like, just be really concerned and being the one to, you know, want her and it's like in any other relationship, unless it's in the movies, you don't fall in love instantly. You've got to get to know them. They've got to get to know you, and it takes time."
You can listen to more about Jess' story here
If you or anyone you know needs help you can call the Samaritans on: 116 123
For post natal mental health support you can contact the NHS here