"It was all disguised as love": domestic abuse survivor shares her story
It's all part of 16 Days of Action
Last updated 30th Nov 2020
North Yorkshire's domestic abuse survivors are hoping by speaking out, it will encourage others to reach out for help and support.
It's all part of 16 days of Action - a UK wide campaign which aims to raise awareness of the issue and also calls an end to violence against women and girls.
Through IDAS - a north Yorkshire charity which supports victims of domestic abuse or sexual violence - Rebecca Beattie has shared her story.
She talks about her experience of emotional abuse:
"I was 19 when I met my ex and I generally had never heard of domestic violence.
"I was a very confident, outgoing and bubbly person but I wasn't very confident when it came to my physical appearance.
"When he came along I felt lucky that someone was willing to call me his girlfriend.
"I had never been in a serious relationship so I didn't really have anything to compare it to.
"When my ex started questioning me constantly on where I was, who I was with and accusing me of cheating on him, it was all disguised as love. I was told he just cared about me, that's why he wanted to know all of these things.
"He was extremely paranoid right from the beginning.
"I was studying at college at the time, we were living in different place and I would commute back to my home town to see him. But when I was at college, he would be on the phone constantly.
"I remember one time in particular, I was at the train station with my friend and he didn't believe me - he made me put the train guard on and tell him what station we were at.
"If I was in a car with a friend, he'd say it didn't sound like a car - I'd have to get out and put the phone to the engine.
"He told me that I couldn't go out with my friends on a night out - I would sit, alone, in my room and if he heard the TV in the background, he would accuse me of having people there.
"I was living in a shared house and my house mates and my friends took an instant disliking to him because they could see that I was changing my behaviour to suit him. And they made it very clear that they didn't like him but after a while they gave up because I wouldn't leave him.
"I think it was at this point that I realise that something wasn't quite right but by then I was already being controlled emotionally and he was manipulated me.
"I was confused and scared that I would lose him - he had managed to convince me that he did all these things because he loved me so much. I was already trapped in a cycle of abuse but I just didn't know it at the time."
Hear Rebecca's full story here:
Rebecca's story is one of 16 to mark 16 days of action focusing on 16 different types of abuse experienced by women across the UK.
16 days of Action is a UK wide campaign which asks us all to take a stand to end violence against women and girls.
IDAS is the largest specialist charity in Yorkshire supporting anyone experiencing or affected by domestic abuse or sexual violence and is backing the UK wide campaign.
Carmel Offord is the Communications and Engagement Lead at IDAS:
"What we want to do is show that these different types of abuse and violence that women and girls experience in the UK today all form part of a system of control which really impacts on their freedoms.
"We support thousands of women and girls in Yorkshire - we receive over 15,000 calls and referrals each year. And for many of those who make those calls, this won't be the first time they've experienced something when they're experiencing domestic abuse in a relationship - they might have suffered childhood sexual abuse, sexual harassment on the street or sexual assault during their lifetime.
"Those are just a few forms of abuse - there are forced marriages and honour based abuse - all different types of ways that abuse and violence controls women and girls lives in the UK today."
The 16 Days of Action, which began on International Day for Elimination of Violence Against Women.
Carmel added:
"Many survivors share their stories in the hope that it will help someone else.
"We do know that when people do share their story it can really help other people to understand and make sense of what is happening for them and it might help them to come forward."
For more information, please visit the IDAS website by clicking here.
IDAS has also launched a special website for 16 Days of Action - that can be found here.