Sometimes I'm emotionally worn out - Wiltshire Carer tells his story
90% of carers in Wiltshire say they're 'mentally exhausted'
A man caring for his wife in Wiltshire has been telling us of the impact the role it's having on their relationship.
It follows a survey by Carer Support Wiltshire revealing that more than half of unpaid carers in the county spend more than 50 hours a week supporting a loved one.
We've spoken to Marcus Connolly, from Melksham, who cares for his wife, Sue, who suffers from a progressive supranuclear palsy (PSP), a life-limiting illness which affects her physically.
Her condition has led to a problem when swallowing, which means Marcus is under constant mental pressure that something could go wrong.
"A couple of months ago was hanging out the washing and I came back in and Sue had choked on her own saliva," he told Greatest Hits Radio, adding: "it's a difficult one, you have to (think), 'OK, do I go out there now, do I not?'"
The survey by Carer Support Wiltshire found 90% of carers who responded feel mentally exhausted, which is something Marcus told us he agrees with.
"Sometimes I'm just emotionally worn out," he said, "you've got to give emotional support to the person you care for.
"It's hard work sometimes you just think you just basically want to just go put your head in your hands and think, 'Blimey', but you don't have enough space to do that."
He says that his role as a carer has had an impact on his relationship with his wife saying it's led to some difficulties.
"I do get a bit tetchy and obviously my wife gets frustrated at what she can't do.
"It is difficult and there is friction and sometimes I just become a carer and I'm no longer the husband and it's becoming more and more of the. I'm now becoming the carer and less for the husband because the carer role is taking over."
Value of 'Precious' respite hours
Marcus is able to get a few hours of respite from his role through funding from Carer Support Wiltshire and Wiltshire Council, which allows another carer to come in.
"It gives me hours where I can step out of the environment. I can go on my motorbike or go and have a fried breakfast somewhere. It gives me a taste of normality," he said.
Marcus says the hours a "precious" and he tries not to do anything care related in those times.
"I try and keep it for myself in in a selfish way, but it's important to do that otherwise you will get lost, and then the pressure builds and everything else, so it is a very valuable asset, the respite care."
But accessing the respite is difficult as carers are few and far between, but Marcus has found a self-employed carer to help him access the respite he needs.
He says more needs to be done to help both carers in employment and those who are unpaid.
Marcus feels the government should step in and provide more money to allow people to employ carers, as well as helping them provide better training.
"(People) need to have a higher wage because you need to encourage people into the system. And if people can earn more in, say, Sainsbury's or wherever, then they're gonna do that. It's a lot easier and they need to be valued as well. I mean, I value the career that comes in to me and she knows that. But as individuals, they need to be valued."
The survey's key findings
• 98% of respondents say they feel stressed about their caring role, with nearly one in five saying they permanently experience stress.
• 90% say they are mentally exhausted.
• 40% say they feel they have lost control of their lives.
• 67% feel their caring role limits their choices about the future.
• 47% of respondents have experienced physical or emotional harm from the person they care for.
• 20% say they are struggling to meet basic living needs and half expressed concerns about their long-term financial situation.