'If it wasn't for Childline, I would have been a teenager found dead in a park' - an abuse survivor's story

Karen was eighteen when she took what she thought was going to be her final overdose. She walked into her local park, in Stretford, and called Childline.

"I called and I said it’s my final overdose. All I want is for someone, when they find my body, to know that it can’t happen to someone else. People will get over me dying. I spoke to this lady and she was absolutely fantastic. I apologised for rining up and blocking their phone lines. At the time, Childline was so busy with so many kids screaming out for help. I felt guilty, I felt like I was taking their phone call and they were screaming out for help. But I also needed help."

When she was young, her parents split up. She lived with her mum, while her brother lived with her father. At weekends, the children would switch and she would stay with her dad while her brother would visit their mum.

When she was seven, her father first abused her:

"I knew something wasn’t right. After that, he told me that if I ever told anybody, my mum would be put in prison and I’d end up with him so he could rape me even more. He used to guilt trip me and tell me that if I wanted him and my mum to get back together, I'd keep his secret.

"I tried to escape - I got up to the top of the road and all I knew about how to get home was that I followed the green road home. I got on the bus to Leeds, walked to the Harrogate buses. It was a hell of a trek for a seven year old to do it on their own. When I got home the police were waiting for me but I was too scared to tell them what had happened, that they’d put my mum in jail, so I didn’t say anything. That was the last time I saw him."

As she got older, the memories of the abuse started to haunt her and she found herself shying away from any men in her life.

She started to self-harm and then tried to take her own life with overdoses.

"When I got home the child came back to me. It was like my life was the abuse"

She moved to Manchester to pursue her dream job with the police, but says she struggled to cope when she wasn't at work:

"I had a good career but when I got home the child came back to me. It was like my life was the abuse. I couldn’t get over it, I was like soiled good. Who would want someone who’d been raped? I really did need help, but there was nothing around at the time, I’d been put in hospitals and basically it was like 'sorry this isn’t the right place to treat you’.

"The last overdose I took, I walked home, took tablets and I remembered Esther Rantzen talking on TV about starting this new thing called childline and I thought maybe that was my last opportunity to get help."

She says speaking to someone from Chilline was lifesaving, because she felt like it was the first time someone had told her the abuse was not her fault.

"They eventually, they put me into hospital and I was referred to a counseller at St. Mary’s in Manchester. They had opened up around the same time as Childline. If it wasn’t for Childline, I would have been a teenager who was found dead in a park.

"It is hard - picking up that phone to Childline is the hardest thing you will do"

"I would say to anyone who’s struggling that they should just reach out - there’s so much stuff set up today that you don’t have to suffer in silence. I’ve given talks to childline volunteers, I’m amazed that my story can move people to tears.

"It is hard - picking up that phone to Childline is the hardest thing you will do. I picked up that phone countless times and I put the phone down, I got through to people. You wanted that help but I’d put the phone down when they answered because I wasn’t ready for that.

"I could have been that dead teenager in a park, just another statistic. Thank god for Childline"

"I tend to give talks to Childline volunteers because it’s important for the volunteers the see what happens to kids when they grow up. They’re on the rough side of the phone, taking calls from kids in distress but they never know what goes on afterwards. They can see what happens - I’m happily married, I’ve had a good career and a fantastic family of pets but I could have been that dead teenager in a park, just another statistic. Thank god for Childline."

All this week, Hits Radio Manchester is shining a light on the work of volunteers at Childline.

If you think you need to speak to someone from Childline, visit: https://www.childline.org.uk