Kent’s Domestic Abuse services warn of toxic behaviour
A new campaign's been launched in conjunction with the county council
Specialist Domestic Abuse Services across Kent are urging people to be aware of abusive behaviour in relationships.
A new campaign's been launched in conjunction with Kent County Council.
The authority said:
"The signs of domestic abuse are not always visible and seemingly loving gestures can in fact be tactics of coercive and controlling behaviour.
"‘Love bombing’ is one such manipulation tactic used by abusers to overwhelm a partner with affection, charm, attention, compliments, and declarations of love to gain power and control over them.
"The abuser uses constant communication to create a sense of dependency and trust. Once they’ve gained their partner’s trust, they use emotional manipulation such as gaslighting, humiliation and insults to control what they do, who they see and how they act".
"charming, manipulative"
A woman from Kent has spoke out, she was in an abusive relationship for 25 years, feeling captive by the emotional rollercoaster of her partner’s behaviour.
She recalls: “He was charming, manipulative. I soon become isolated from family.
"He would turn up while I was out with friends. I felt so embarrassed and trapped, it became such an issue when I would go out.
“I left so many times, but he would sweet-talk me and I’d go back. It was the mix of him being so sorry, really wanting us back.
"He also knew how much taking our wedding vows meant to me, he’d use that to convince me to come back.”
Roger Gough, Leader of Kent County Council, added:
“Anyone can be a victim of domestic abuse. We shouldn't assume there is a typical victim, but we can learn about the warning signs to help us identify abuse and provide support to protect people.
"This is why it’s so important that all of us, family, friends and colleagues, stay vigilant for and report any signs of abuse".
Domestic abuse can take many forms including coercion, economic control, stalking, sexual assault, violence and threats.
Red flags to look out for:
- Intensity - things get serious quickly, they want to see you all the time
- Jealousy - they want to know where you are going and who with, they cut off your contact with friends, are paranoid, make accusations
- Control - who you see, what you wear, they check your phone and internet history
- Isolation - they prevent you from seeing friends or being social, block access to travel or your phone
- Criticism - nit-picking, name-calling, cruel jokes, ridiculing your values or beliefs, make you feel worthless
- Sabotage - Making things go wrong for you, picking fights, hide your things, turn up unexpectedly, spread lies
- Blame - say things like “You made me....” or “If you hadn’t...”
- Anger - outbursts and fights, threaten and intimidate you
- History - past relationship breakdowns are always the other person’s fault
If you have concerns about your relationship or worried about someone, Kent Domestic Abuse Services offer a range of support including safety planning, refuge and counselling – you are not alone.