'Like your heart has been ripped out' - We hear from parents who've lost a child to suicide
Launched on World Mental Health Day, the Leave a Light On project hears from mums and dads whose children have taken their own lives
To mark World Mental Health Day, we're hearing from parents who've lost a child to suicide to help start the conversation about the number of lives lost each year.
In the UK, someone takes their own life every 90 minutes.
That means, over the course of a year, 6000 people die by suicide.
Every one of those is someone's son or daughter.
The Leave a Light On project is about giving bereaved mums and dads a platform to share their stories, and to try and find hope amid the tragedy.
Leave A Light On Project
Just as a parent leaves a light on for a child who is afraid of the dark, we're hoping that sharing these stories will help people leave a light on for each other, for a conversation, or for hope during difficult times.
Each of the parents we've spoken to now works to bust taboos, open up conversations, and tackle the number of suicides we see in the UK each year.
Links are provided to each of their projects and campaign groups, and you can find services that might help you have a conversation about suicide at the bottom of the article.
Mike's story
Mike McCarthy lost his son Ross to suicide. He was just 31.
In a note left to the family, he asked his dad to "fight for mental health, the support is just not there".
Mike told us it was only after losing Ross did he realise how big an issue suicide is for young people: "I realised too late that suicide was the biggest killer of our young people, all that life, all that potential we're losing.
"I should have known, why did I not know that this is the biggest killer of young people in our country?"
Mike set up the Baton of Hope - a UK wide relay where people affected by suicide carried an Olympic-style torch across the country.
The event was designed to support those bereaved by suicide, and inspire those who are struggling with suicidal thoughts to get help.
Mike told us: "If you are one of those people in that dark place, please stay, even if it's for just one more day, because there are people out there who care and you deserve your place on this planet like everybody else, and there are people with compassion who want to help you."
Mike's ongoing work also focuses on improving mental health in the workplace.
Listen to Mike's story in full on the Mental Health Monday Podcast
Jenetta's story
Jenetta's daughter Jenny was 16 when she took her own life.
Jenetta's told us the impact on her and her family's life was huge, and she even considered suicide herself in the dark days and months after Jenny's death.
"It was two weeks after her 16th birthday that it happened.
"It shattered us into a million pieces.
"I was lost, it felt like I'd stepped into an emotional deep black hole, like a lifetime emotional prison sentence. It entailed never wanting to talk about it to anybody and three times contemplating taking my life."
Jenetta now marks "World Jenny's Day" every 10th October, to celebrate Jenny's passion for performance and the arts, and her Epiphany Process is designed to help other people struggling with their own mental health issues.
She told us why she wanted to support Leave a Light On: "The more we talk about this from a place of love, the more it's going to help people on a really deep level."
Listen to Jenetta's story in full on the Mental Health Monday Podcast
John's story
John Gibson lost his son Cameron to suicide in 2019.
'Cammy' was a vet and was just 24 years old when he took his own life.
John told us he'd never forget the day he heard the news: "It was the worst day of my life, two policemen came to my door, and said 'Sir, you had better sit down, we have some terrible news for you, Cameron is dead and it appears he has taken his life.'
"It feels as if you're very heart has been ripped out of you."
John says the impact of losing Cameron was huge: "I missed my boy so much, and made a decision that I was going to end my life, and I made an attempt on my life."
John's attempt was unsuccessful, and with the help of family and friends he started to focus on creating the Canmore Trust to help other families bereaved by suicide.
John told the Leave a Light On project: "For people listening to this for whom suicide is still a place of isolation and brokenness, please reach out, it's so important to do that."
Steve's story
Steve from Harrogate will never forget the day he received news of his son Jordan's death.
He told us: "I remember it very vividly, it was 4.22pm and I was just sitting back in the car and there was an incoming call from Jordan's girlfriend to tell me she'd got to my son's house and found he'd taken his own life.
"From that moment, the world changed. Dramatically."
Jordan had been living with depression, but showed no signs he was thinking of ending his life.
Steve said: "You do come away with guilt - as a dad your job is to protect your kids. Jordan was 34 years old and arguably not a child, but you do feel that.
"Hindsight's brilliant isn't it? Because of the knowledge that I have now, I would behave and react very differently, but that's one of the reason's why I'm on this mission now.
"To try and educate, to communicate, and to try and help people to deal with this more directly and more effectively."
Steve set up The Jordan Legacy project in his son's name, with the intention of smashing taboo about mental health, encouraging people to talk, and inspiring hope in those who can't yet see it: "Because without hope there's no point talking about it, there has to be some kind of hope."
Listen to Steve's story in full on the Mental Health Monday Podcast
Deanna's story
Deanna Cruickshank's daughter Jo took her own life at the age of 36.
She's told us about her memories of the final time she saw her alive: "She waved from the car. It was last time, but you never dreamed it would be the last time."
Jo died in 2015, and Deanna told us she'd never forget the feelings she had in those following days and months.
"I wanted to swap places with her, to give her her life back, I wanted to go and be with her.
Like many parents sharing their story with Leave a Light On, her own suicidal thoughts also briefly crossed her mind: "I didn't seriously think about doing anything, but the thoughts were there."
Deanna hopes that by sharing her story with the Leave a Light On project people will be inspired to strike up a conversation with a friend or loved one about difficult thoughts and feelings.
And to leave a light on for hope: "Talk to whoever you need to talk to - talking is the best thing."
Where to get help and support
If someone's life is immediately in danger always call 999.
You can speak to your GP or get advice from the NHS if you want to talk about your mental health.
You can find mental health services close to you using the Hub of Hope
Call Samaritans on 116 123 if you want to talk to someone.
Alternatively you can text SHOUT to 85258 to speak via text message.
Papyrus UK have a helpline on 0800 068 4141 for young people or someone they know.
There are local mental health services across the country, such as Mikeysline in the Highlands and Moray,Shining a Light on Suicide in Greater Manchester and Thrive LDN in London.
You can listen to conversations about mental health each week on the Mental Health Monday Podcast, which you can download and stream where you get your podcasts.