Gloucester couple encouraging conversations around fertility
Kirsty and Jess Abel had 7 attempts at IVF before falling pregnant with their daughter
A couple from Gloucester are speaking out about their journey with IVF to help encourage more people to have conversations about fertility.
Kirsty and Jess Abel pair met in 2013 while working for the NHS, married a year later, and decided to pursue reciprocal IVF so that Jess’s eggs could be carried by Kirsty.
What followed was three years of heartache: multiple failed embryo transfers, miscarriages, and the financial burden of a £20,000 loan when NHS funding was unavailable to same-sex couples.
In 2020, after one last transfer with an embryo described as “the runt of the litter” Kirsty fell pregnant.
Their daughter was born during lockdown, now five, she’s thriving, and the couple say she is “everything we wanted in her.”
Kirsty said she was unaware of any fertility issues when they first entered the process: “When we did the pregnancy test on the date that we needed to and it was negative I think it felt like the rug had been pulled from under our feet.
“Second attempt, fell pregnant and miscarried and I think as a female I felt that I wasn’t doing the job that my body was designed to do.”
Jess discussed how they found it difficult to discuss with their close friends and family: “Nobody I don’t think really understood what we were going through.
“They didn’t understand if we used certain terminology about the treatment, or what the processes were or the stages or how long it took.”
She added: “Having spoken to a couple of my friends I wouldn’t have known that any of them had miscarriages.
“I know that a couple of them have but they never told me until they realised we had, so I definitely think it’s not something that is openly spoken about.”
They say having people to speak about the struggles with and the support from their fertility clinic helped massively.
More than half (56%) of adults believe fertility is rarely discussed unless there’s a problem with more than a third (35%) finding it an uncomfortable topic to discuss because of lack of education.