Brave Essex mum shares their heartbreaking story of baby loss
We're opening up the conversation about the hidden heartbreak of miscarriage, stillbirth and neo-natal death
13 babies die in the UK each day through miscarriage, still birth, pregnancy complications and neo-natal death.
The effects can be devastating and long lasting.
At the start of Baby Loss Awareness Week 2022, we're opening up the conversation and creating a platform for mums who would like to share their stories to speak out.
We'll hear how they were impacted personally, we'll take a look at the long-term consequences of baby loss, and we'll provide links to support services where you can find more information.
Katie's story
Lottie Galvin was born on 7th August 2021 weighing 9lb 11oz.
Her mum, Katie Galvin, from Buckhurst Hill, in Essex, lovingly refers to Lottie as her "little pudding" and remembers: "She had my cheeks and chin, Tom's nose and she was massive - 60 centimetres! I'm still not quite sure how I fit her in there for 41 weeks!"
Tragically, within hours of her birth, Lottie had died, having got stuck in Katie's pelvis during an unplanned C-Section.
Having endured a sustained period without Oxygen to the brain, it became clear Lottie was unable to survive without life support.
Katie told us: "It's the moment that you just dread. I wish no one ever had to go through that...
"It's very strange, you're in this weird autopilot mode. I don't quite know how we got through those hours in the middle of the night."
Katie, her husband Tom and her parents were able to spend some time with Lottie before she passed: "The hospital were great. They set us up in a private room in the ICU so that we could have those special memory making hours with her.
"They made her very comfortable so that she wasn't suffering.
"Tom still says the cup of tea the midwives made him is the best he's ever had.
"We just got to make some lovely memories with Lottie and have a couple of hours with her... we both had skin on skin contact, just admired her features and got to have a really good look at her.
"After all of the tubes and everything were taken out, that's when you could really see her see as a baby again. She just started to look so much more peaceful.
"It's very hard to explain because it was a lovely time, but also the saddest time, just watching your baby pass away in your arms."
Hospital support
Once Lottie had passed, Katie tells us the hospital allowed them to spend some more time with their daughter: "I can't fault the midwives. They were angels.
"We got transferred to the room that you never want to get transferred to. It's a lovely room, with a double bed and a nice living area, but it's the room that families go to when they've experienced baby loss.
"You just find yourself thinking: 'I'd much rather be on a ward with screaming babies and with Lottie, than in this fancy room'...
"The hospital was great though. Because they knew we needed to spend more time with Lottie, they gave us a cooling cot, which is similar to a regular cot, but kept Lottie cold so we wouldn't jeopardise the post-mortem that would then take place...
"It was great, because we were just in this little bubble, me, Tom and Lottie. I think that might sound morbid to some people, but it really was the opposite - you just don't want to let go of your daughter, and this allowed us to make some memories."
Since leaving hospital, Katie and Tom have been supported by a bereavement midwife and Petals, a baby loss charity that provides counselling services: "I don't know how anyone actually goes through something like this without receiving some mental health help.
"It's something that affects you for your whole life, and I definitely think it's better to get things out in the open rather than keep it all in."
Talk about it
Katie hopes sharing her story will break down taboos around baby loss, and help others not to feel isolated: "I want it to be a bit more normal to be able to speak about baby loss rather than trying to scare all these expecting expectant mothers because it is a big thing, and you can't just brush it under the table...
"It's about being really honest and telling people how you feel and just educating people...
"How can I not talk about my daughter? How can we just forget about her when she was a living, breathing human being?...
"I think that's why it's so great to have Baby Loss Awareness Week where we can really push out as much information as we can, not even mothers like me, but to people who haven't had children, who are friends or family of people that have lost children. We just need to talk more."
National
Sharon's story
Identical twins Charlie and Joshua were born in September 1999.
Mum Sharon was taken to hospital after going into labour at 26 weeks, and the twins were born the following morning, 13 minutes apart.
Charlie weight 1lb 12oz and Joshua 1lb 10. Tragically, both died within their first 13 days of their arrival.
Sharon told us: "In some ways its quite a blur, people say to me 'Oh you were so brave' or 'How did you get through it?' but you don't have a choice.
"You have to get through it.
"We had a really difficult time, with lots of ups and downs on the neonatal ward.
"Me and my husband would have ups and downs at different times, so when I was OK he'd be having a really hard time and then it would turn around. Afterwards, I'd think he seemed ok, he'd gone back to work, and then I'd find out on the way back from work he'd stopped in at the cemetery."
Sharon says the support she received from NHS staff made a big difference in the days after losing Charlie and then Joshua.
"I was very led by the midwives, particularly when they died, they were asking about the memory-making things - making their hand and footprints, did I want a lock of hair, did I want to bath them? Luckily my midwives were amazing, so I have got all those lovely memories."
Supporting other parents who've experienced Baby Loss
Sharon says the effects of losing twins, or any child, has a lasting legacy on the parents.
"It's definitely a lifetime thing - would they have got married? would they have both loved football? In the initial days those things are so hard to think about, but now I like to think about those things, I like to wonder what they would be doing and have time to think about them."
Sharon now helps provide peer-support for parents going through the same experience at Twins Trust, and has found sharing her story and creating a community that can support bereaved families through difficult times has helped her deal with her personal grief.
"For me talking has been so important, talking and saying my twins names and sharing things about them has been so important. Keeping their memory alive is so important.
"In the wider community, there is definitely a taboo there, but what I would say is everybody does want to talk about their grief. You're not upsetting them, they're upset already.
"Just be there, just give the support and be led by the person you're trying to support."
Rachel's story
Rachel Wilson's daughter Ophelia, who was one of twins, died after Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS) was diagnosed six years ago.
The syndrome means both babies share the same placenta and blood vessel network, but imbalances on how blood is exchanged can put both lives at risk.
Rachel told us: “Ophelia was twin 2 of identical twins.
"We realised very early on that we were going to have a very hard pregnancy. We were diagnosed at 12weeks with TTTS, Ophelia being the donor.
"(Doctors) decided to do a laser ablation to separate the two girls at the early stage of 17 weeks. At 18 weeks as a result of the surgery my waters broke.
"I went into natural labour (just before 28 weeks) and after a few attempts to stop my labour we realised it was progressing quickly and I delivered both girls at 03:45 and 03:46. Both went straight to the neonatal ICU.
"However Ophelia was not coping and we were told that she was dying.
"We managed to get grandparents and an aunt to come and witness a blessing and then she died in my arms nine hours after birth."
Diagnosed with PTSD
Rachel was later diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, after discussing aspects of the birth with her partner and sister: "My husband's memory, and my sister's memory is very different to my memory because I have PTSD. I do remember living in that moment and thinking 'They're going to be fine' but actually the reality was very different."
"It was actually my mind and my bodies way of helping me cope, of trying to protect me and help me in that instance of that traumatic event. Then further down the line it has made things more blurry."
Rachel told us she was relieved to get a diagnosis about PTSD, as it helped her understand her recollections of that day, and explain why her memories differed from that of others in the room.
She says it even impacted her dreams: "I would have blank spots in my dreams, I'd almost be present in what I remember, but there are faces that are blank.
"Some things are starting to come back very gradually but in total I just don't remember a whole lot about that day."
Greatest Hits Radio would like to thank Katie, Sharon and Rachel for being so open in discussing their experience of Baby Loss.
You can hear more from Katie and Sharon in this week's #MentalHealthMonday Podcast
Baby Loss Awareness Week
We'll be hearing more stories from people like Sharon and Rachel on Greatest Hits Radio throughout the week, plus we'll be looking at what services are like nationally and locally to support women and their families experiencing baby loss.
There are organisations and resources available where you can get support.
The Baby Loss Awareness Alliance has links to national and local services.
To find out more about the work of Twins Trust, you can visit the bereavement section of their website