'Trust your gut instinct' say bereaved parents as they urge anyone with concerns to seek help immediately

A Devon couple, who lost their child, are highlighting new research by The Lullaby Trust which found one in three parents have delayed seeking medical help for their baby, with many turning to Google or even AI for support.

Katie and Christian Meddleton - from Plymouth - lost their nine week old 'ray of sunshine' Jenson during the pandemic and say parents should never feel they are a 'nuisance' and must always 'trust their gut' if they have concerns.

The couple have shared their story as part of the Trust's Infection Prevention Week, which is encouraging parents and carers to always speak up.

Katie said: "In his short life, Jenson touched so many people's hearts.

"It is about gut feeling and persistence and you can be made to feel that you are just an over-concerned parent, but you do always know best and we did experience that with Jenson.

“Jenson was a very poorly baby who suffered with really quite terrible reflux, they thought he had a milk allergy so he was on special milk and there was a whole host of symptoms and I was constantly seeking support from the GP.

"At the time we were in the midst of Covid and there were not very many face-to-face appointments offered. I will always be left to wonder that if more had been done for him then would any of it have made a difference? Would he have passed away because we just don't have any answers?

“We don't know why he died. We just know that when he was here he wasn't well, and then he was gone - and we never got any answers."

Jenson passed away on the 29th of December 2021 at Derriford Hospital and the experience remained with Katie when problems started to develop with her other son Ellis. She said: "Trust your gut instinct. Actually – in many ways - back then we did do that and we did try to seek help but it was a difficult time for everybody. We're in a better position now where you can seek medical help a bit more easily as we're not in that Covid time, and help is there.

"With our son Ellis we did seek help immediately and we did get the help we needed, and essentially that will have saved his life.

After Jenson’s death the couple joined one of The Lullaby Trust’s Facebook groups for bereaved parents which they say ‘really gave comfort’.

Mum Katie said: “When I had my second son, Ellis, the charity’s CONI programme supported us before and after the birth. Having another baby after losing Jenson was a mixture of emotions. We were full of both joy and fear that it might happen again. In particular when Ellis got bronchiolitis caused by the Respiratory Syncytial Virus (RSV), we were so worried about him. I’d never really thought about how kisses can lead to infection for babies until after Ellis got sick. RSV can be really serious for babies, and the guidance is now to not kiss a baby if they’re not yours. This can be a tricky thing to ask of people, as people find babies irresistible. It can be a really difficult conversation to have with loved ones, especially if you worry they might take it personally. This is why Infection Prevention Week is so important. It helps raise awareness so everyone knows just how life-threatening infections can be and how as a parent, you can keep your baby safe.”

Dad Christian reflected: “As a parent who has lost a child the first thing you do is blame yourself and that never goes away. You will spend countless hours recalling every minute of that day and if there's ever that shred of doubt then take some sort of action."

He explained the couple wanted to speak out to help others, adding: “If you've got an experience that you pass on to other parents that can prevent them from having the same level of heartache and distress that you've had as a family then you should speak out - and if it makes a difference for just one person then it's worth it.”

Mr Meddleton added: "The Trust not only help families on the bereavement side of things but they also promote some really wonderful things like safe sleep schemes.

"For new parents it can be a really worrying time having a little one and there are tools and initiatives in place from the Lullaby Trust that are completely free to use that means you can relax a little bit as a parent especially when a baby comes -if you're having difficulty with them sleeping."

The couple say it’s important to seek support after a bereavement with Katie reflecting: "I think people don’t know what to say as people hear about people who have children who pass away suddenly and unexpectedly - but you don’t ever expect it to happen to you or somebody that you know.

“There is always an element of shock even though there is an awareness that it does happen.

“Hopefully (messages like this) mean that people will take the advice really seriously in that by delaying seeking help you don't know what could happen.

"There's a baby check app which is really helpful for people who are just unsure and it lets you put in your children's symptoms and it comes out with essentially a score and who you need to contact - but for the most part parents will know.

“You know if your child is poorly and, if they are, just go and seek some help.”

As part of the awareness week the trust has launched a brand-new webpage 'to help guide parents and carers through conversations with health professionals about their baby to ensure they can articulate everything clearly and remember to mention anything important, in what can often be quite a stressful situation'.

For more about the Lullaby Trust's infection prevention week click here