Mum whose husband died from cancer hopes 'After Life' bench will start conversations
Kim Gray has already used the seat in Falmouth, inspired by the Ricky Gervais Netflix show
Last updated 20th Jan 2022
A Cornwall mum is welcoming a new bench inspired by Ricky Gervais show 'After Life', after losing her husband to cancer.
In conjunction with charity CALM, Netflix has donated 25 across the country as a place to sit, reflect and chat, including at Gyllyngdune Gardens in Falmouth.
Kim Gray and Brod Ross, who have both been widowed in recent years, came together, with their dogs, as Ricky Gervais does in 'After Life', to honour their husband and wife and reflect on the legacy of their lives together.
Kim's Story
Kim Gray’s husband Stuart passed away in 2015 with cancer, leaving her (age 44) and her two children to navigate an after life without him.
Since then, she has become the Cornwall co-ordinator for Widowed and Young and sits on the advisory board for Cornwall Bereavement Network.
Kim says: “I can relate to the character, Tony, in After Life. He acts out a lot of how bereavement can make you feel. In reality, our inhibitions tend to keep our behaviour in check, but inside, we feel the loss of our partner every day and really don’t have the patience or emotional capacity for the small, everyday things that seem unimportant.
"Sometimes, people you least expect are the ones that reach out and you make connections with and often, it is those who have been through some tragic life event themselves that make that connection.
"Connecting with others who have been through similar has really helped me process the overwhelming feelings and sometimes despair that goes with losing someone you have shared your life with so closely.
"For me, networks like CALM and Widowed and Young are like an online park bench where you can connect with others and also support others as you navigate your way through life after bereavement.
"The bench is a symbol for reflection, getting out of your comfort zone, and finding a support network that gets you through each day.
"Losing a partner really does feel like ‘After Life’. You are defined by life before and life after, how you choose to live after varies enormously from person to person".
Brod's Story
Falmouth Town Councillor Brod Ross lost his wife, former MP and Cornwall and Falmouth councillor Candy Atherton, when she died of a stroke in 2017.
Brod, who Candy married in 2002 after seven years together, said she had suffered ill health for many years, inheriting medical issues from her father Dennis, and spent the last four in a wheelchair.
The location of the AFTER LIFE x CALM bench in the gardens at the Princess Pavilion is particularly poignant for Brod, as that was where he first met Candy in 1995 when she came to Cornwall on her election campaign trail.
Brod says: "I was at a quiz night at the Princess Pavilion and it was love and lust at first sight,” he said. “I danced with her there and at that time I was a student at Falmouth School of Art and had an exhibition, so invited her and that was that".
The couple were also dog lovers, so Brod feels a particular understanding of the vital role that Ricky Gervais’ dog plays in the Netflix series.
He added: "Candy was very much a dog person and had a pet personality. “She was very loyal, that was part of her psychology".
The benches have been commissioned alongside suicide prevention charity Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM), who offer help, advice and information to anyone who is struggling or in crisis.
Those who visit a bench will be able to access resources from CALM via a unique QR code with the wording “Life can be tough, but there’s always hope. Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) is by your side", as well as online by visiting the CALM website.