How Cornwall hospitals provide support for people experiencing baby loss
One couple who lost their little girl have worked to help improve facilities for women and families
Last updated 11th Oct 2022
A couple from Cornwall have played a part in improving facilities to help women and families cope with the heartbreak of baby loss.
The charity, Ella's Memory, has worked with the Royal Cornwall Hospital to ensure its support services are what they are today.
It was set up 12 years ago by Martyn Selley and wife Emmillie, after losing their daughter Ella at 38 weeks during a stillbirth.
We have spoken to Martyn and Emmillie during Baby Loss Awareness Week, to remember our much-loved and missed babies and raise awareness of pregnancy and baby loss.
"It was pretty much the worst thing we could go through".
Martyn told us: "It was quite a cold response. The consultant basically told Emmillie, without a hand on her knee or a hand on her hand, without saying sorry that your baby has passed away, he basically gave her two tablets and said, 'take two of these and come back tomorrow and your labour will begin'.
"Things have changed a lot since then but that will always stick with us.
"We weren't given any sort of choice at the time".
"There wasn't any empathy, sympathy. That was 12 years ago and if you go back even further that was even worse".
At the time the exit to the bereavement suite at Treliske meant Emmillie had to walk through maternity wards.
Providing a new Daisy Suite with an external exit was one of the things Martyn and Emmillie wanted to change when they set up Ella's Memory.
Martyn continued: "Now there's an entrance door in and out into a little garden space as well. That's the worst thing, you could feel contained because you could be in there for a long space of time".
"You can go out and get some fresh air, go and grab your thoughts for a couple of minutes without going anywhere near that front part of the hospital. "That was one of the most important things we could do, to create that space".
The couple have been fundraising since they lost their little one, Ella, and are continuing to provide support in collaboration with the hospital, to ensure women and families receive as much help as possible.
They have since created the memory tree outside, as well as a counselling room off-site.
The bereavement facilities fundraised by the charitable organisation, have been embraced by the Royal Cornwall Hospitals' Trust.
In the past few years, those have been improving to allow families a space in a bereavement suite, blessings for their lost babies, boxes to take home with them and other personalised items for women and families to keep.
Bereavement midwife, Karen, said: "We're privileged to be with them during their first few days with their baby. We offer photographs, hand and footprints, small clothes, blankets of an appropriate size, little hand and key rings.
"It's really sad for those parents, the grief and the loss never goes away. Be it now, 40 years or longer, that grief never goes away so we do whatever we can to help them over that time".
Bereavement midwife, Claire, said: "Individual care for these women and tailoring to their needs and to their families is where you really see the impact in ensuring that we can provide the emotional and physical support during the hardest time of their life.
"We would always hope to meet these parents and discuss these before we're faced in those moments so we can ensure that those are tailored to their needs and how they want to proceed".
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