"You believe all the stereotypes" Survivors share experiences of violence against women

Survivors of domestic abuse and sexual assault are sharing their experiences to try and help tackle record levels of violence against women.

Yesterday we revealed record numbers of women are reporting sexual assault across England and Wales.

Today, as we continue our #ReportIt campaign looking at the scale of the issue and what the media can do to help, we're hearing from survivors about the impact their experience has had on them and what they think about media coverage of incidents.

Emily is a survivor who now works to help others.

"I don't think my life will ever be the same again..."

As with every survivor we have spoken to, the impact of what Emily has been through is clear.

"I have been around domestic violence most of my life," she told us.

"I've been in abusive relationships, some of those relationships I did report to the police.

"I had a very difficult time with the justice system and how I was treated and that led me to feel like I could get a sense of justice and a sense of closure by trying to speak out and talk about my experience and hopefully improve things for other people.

"Mainly I think to encourage people to come forward if they're going through domestic abuse."

Emily now works with a charity doing exactly that.

"I don't think my life will ever be the same again after what I've been through," Emily said.

"I don't want it to define me, but, for me it's hard to walk away from it and not feel like you want to try and change things, even if a little bit."

Emily tells us that how her case was dealt with afterwards, felt like going through abuse "all over again".

"I've been used to this permanent anxiety..."

Another we've spoken to is Carole, who is a survivor of child sexual abuse and is now in her 50s.

She told us of the extensive impact on her life.

"I suffer from chronic migraines...which means (I spend) more than 17 days a month in bed," she said.

"I have real problems eating out, it's nigh on impossible for me to eat out.

"Going way, way, way back into childhood I had a real sense of loneliness, (difficulty) making friends...

"I have had really bad anxiety working with men, and I have been in industries where it's all men.

"I've been used to this permanent anxiety, which has it's toll."

Carole is now happily married, but says her relationship with her husband is the first she has had where she is able to trust a man.

"You believe all the stereotypes..."

Sarah is also a survivor of childhood sexual assault and was assaulted as an adult on the way to work.

She tells us of the impact wider coverage and discussions of violence against women has.

"I got into the office and people could tell there was something a bit wrong, but I wasn't going to bother reporting it," she said.

"I think with my previous experiences, not being believed, I probably absolutely minimised what had happened, and then therefore I was like, 'well it was nothing.'"

"Actually it was a really big deal, but because I had squashed everything else down, because I hadn't been believed and then you don't believe yourself, and then you believe all the tropes and the stereotypes and everything.

"It was only people in the office being so lovely and so supportive that I thought, 'no, I am going to report this.'"

As it turned out, she told us, the perpetrator had committed other similar offences in the same area and the police were able to convict them.

How the media can help when covering violence against women

We asked all three women about their experiences of media coverage and what we as journalists can do better going forward.

Emily says there needs to be better understanding of what survivors have been through.

"Some examples are, you can share your story with a journalist and then they just don't come back to you, and you don't know what's happening with that story, whether it's running, whether your part isn't being included and I've had to chase to find out," she said.

"Because obviously it's such a personal thing you're putting out there, so communication is really important..."

Emily says she's also had experiences where she does hear from the reporter, but just to say the story is no longer being used.

"It's felt a little bit unethical in that you'd kind of explained to them briefly before you met what your story was, and then they've decided, 'oh it's not really for us,' but you've (already) put yourself out there..."

Carole says more needs to be done to combat stereotypes about violence against women.

"I get angry," she said.

"I get angry because...the myth of stranger danger.

"Predominantly what we see in the press is stranger abuse and rape, murder.

"But that is a tiny, tiny, tiny proportion of the reality.

"The majority of rape and sexual abuse is perpetrated by somebody who knows the victim.

"That should be in the press all day every day."

The latest data from the Office for National Statistics says more than 60 per cent of reported rapes and sexual assaults are committed either by the victim's partner or a family member.

"Journalists, the media are not giving them (families) the facts," she said.

"I implore you, please talk about what is really happening."

Sarah adds survivors need to be included more in the creation of programmes for television or radio.

"Before you make programmes, have advisory panels," she said.

"Consult, but not in a tokenistic way."

Links to support

If you are a survivor of either sexual or domestic abuse, you can access a wide range of support via this link.

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• violence against women