Local bereaved parents tell their story to mark Baby Loss Awareness Week
Around 15 babies are stillborn or die shortly after birth every day in the UK.
But a charity says the NHS is failing those bereaved parents - with 80% of commissioners not providing specialist therapies.
Out of Sight, Out of Mind: Bereaved parents falling through the gaps in mental health care also reveals that 60% of bereaved parents surveyed felt they needed specialist psychological support for their mental health, but were not able to access it on the NHS.
To mark Baby Loss Awareness week, our Special Correspondent Sasha Wylie has been speaking to some bereaved parents.
Baby Sam
Seana Armstrong told us her story to highlight Baby Loss Awareness week:
"On the 7th of May 2015, out little boy Sam was born into the world. He was born very premature and we got to spend 30 minutes with him before he died.
"I suppose the only way I could describe it is it just shattered me it was like nothing i had ever experienced before. i just didn't know how to cope with it, there was just a tidal wave of emotions.
It really did break me in to a million pieces and it was just trying to rebuild myself again
"We decided to visit a local Sands group a few weeks after our loss. That gave me some space to be Sams mummy in a safe environment and to grieve. It gave me space to breath and to know it was okay to breathe."
Seana then decided to set up a Dungannon branch of Sands to help local parents in the area come to terms with their loss.
"With the set up of our own support group, there's the football, Dungannon SANDs FC, because we wanted to support both the mums and the dads experiencing loss. We found the fathers found it hard to talk, and the football group gives them that space.
"Loosing your child is something that you are never going to get over, you just learn to live with it. But going to the support group help me realise that I wasn't alone and that all the emotions that I was feeling were normal. It was so comforting to talk to people who had been in the same situation."
Baby Danielle
Steven Guy is now Northern Irelands Network Coordinator for Sands. He set up his local Portadown branch after his daugther Danielle was stillborn.
"On the 3rd of May 1993, at 10:40am, our daughter Danielle was stillborn.
"After, it is a very lonely place to be, your feelings and emotions are all over the place. You expect old people will pass away before you, you don't expect to bury your children, and you certainly don't expect to bury your baby.
"Even the funeral is different, if someone older dies, you gather at the wake and talk about their life. With a baby no-one can do that, so there's no discussion about it, there's no getting together around the funeral. It really is a lonely place. That's why it's so important to reach out for help and support to Sands."
To mark Baby Loss Awareness, Sands will be holding a number of events across the 9th-15th of October.
Steven says he was very skeptical about going to a support group, but it turned out to be the best thing he ever done.
"If you don't get help and support, you can feel very isolated very alone in your grieve. Your friends and family are trying their best to help but they can't really understand what this loss is like.
"Not very many people ask how dad is, it's always hows mum doing, or they ask dad how mum is. That first night (at Sands) was the first time I was asked how I was doing. I also remember walking up to the door thinking this is the biggest waste of time ever, but it turned out not to be. It was the best thing I ever done."
Mr Guy is encouraging everyone to get in contact with Sands to teach others how to approach bereaved parents and what to say.
"Just a simple text message is better than doing nothing. Because you feel uncomfortable with it doesn't excuse not talking about it. Just get over that awkwardness and reach out to them."
Dr Clea Harmer, Chief Executive of Sands (stillbirth and neonatal death charity), said: “Grief is a natural response to the devastating experience of losing your pregnancy or the death of your baby, and charities like Sands are here to offer support. However, many bereaved parents do go on to experience psychiatric illnesses that require specialist mental health services.
“Recently there has been strong political support for improving care for pregnant women and their families. Action now needs to be taken to ensure that improvements to maternity, perinatal and mental health services do not exclude those parents who’ve experienced pregnancy or baby loss and need access to good quality psychological support on the NHS.
“Bereaved parents are telling us they struggle to access psychological support – that waiting lists are too long and services lack the specialist skills and knowledge to support them. This is clearly unfair but it is not too late; decisive action could have a huge positive impact for those parents who experience a mental health problem following pregnancy or baby loss.
“We believe that Governments and the NHS can make a real difference for bereaved parents across the UK, if they give specific attention to those who have experienced pregnancy or baby loss when planning, funding and delivering psychological support services.”
You can visit the SANDs Northern Ireland website by clicking here.