6 Ways Boundaries Can Support Wellbeing
Let’s talk about Boundaries
FindHelpNI.com is an innovative online resource developed by Pamela Kirkpatrick and Cara Swanston, two dedicated counsellors from North Down. Their mission? To have a positive impact on mental health and well-being in Northern Ireland. The website serves as a one-stop hub, where users can easily find professional support near themand access heaps of self-help resources.
A particularly inspiring feature on the website is the Inspire Me Blog. Here, you'll find real, inspiring stories of individuals who have conquered their well-being challenges. It's a place where hope, resilience, and courage shine through. ‘Spotlight’ articles explore various helpful organisations and the support they offer. There are lots of articles covering an array of topics, from the practice of mindfulness to understanding self-harm. It's a wellspring of knowledge to help you on your journey to enhanced mental and emotional well-being.
This article explores a simple yet profound well-being tip that often gets overlooked – the art of setting boundaries.
What are Boundaries?
Boundaries are like personal borders or lines that define what is okay and not okay for you in various aspects of life. They help you protect your physical and emotional space, values, and needs, and they guide how you interact with others while maintaining your well-being and individuality. Think of them as the limits you set to create healthy and respectful relationships whilst protecting your own needs or self-care.
Boundaries are crucial for a variety of reasons, as they play a fundamental role in personal and interpersonal well-being. Healthy boundaries can strengthen the connection even in the best relationships, and are an indication of respect and trust between the people involved. Unhealthy boundaries can cause stress, anxiety, burnout and relationship breakdowns.
6 Ways Boundaries Can Support Wellbeing
1. Emotional Protection & Stress Reduction:
Setting emotional boundaries helps us protect our feelings and prevent others from intruding on our emotional space. It allows us to maintain a sense of self and not become overly enmeshed with others' emotions. Boundaries can reduce stress by helping us avoid situations and people that drain our energy or cause emotional turmoil. By saying "no" when necessary, we conserve our mental and emotional resources.
2. Self-Identity & Independence:
Healthy boundaries contribute to a strong sense of self. When we define our limits, we better understand who we are and what we stand for, which is crucial for self-esteem and self-worth. Boundaries enable us to assert our independence and autonomy. This is particularly important in situations where external pressures or expectations may infringe upon our ability to make decisions for ourselves.
3. Healthy Relationships & Conflict Resolution:
Boundaries are fundamental in maintaining healthy relationships. They create a clear framework for how we expect to be treated and how we treat others. Without boundaries, relationships can become toxic or codependent. Clearly defined boundaries can prevent misunderstandings and conflicts by setting expectations. When everyone involved understands their limits and respects each other's boundaries, conflicts are less likely to arise.
4. Work-Life Balance:
In the context of work, setting boundaries is essential for achieving a healthy work-life balance. Overextending oneself professionally can lead to burnout and negatively impact mental health.
5. Self-Care & Physical Health:
Boundaries extend to physical health, as well. Setting limits on things like diet, exercise, and sleep can contribute to better physical health, which in turn can positively affect mental well-being. Establishing boundaries around self-care is vital. It allows us to prioritise activities and practices that promote mental and emotional well-being, such as meditation, exercise, hobbies, and relaxation.
6. Personal Growth & Resilience:
Boundaries can facilitate personal growth by providing a safe space to explore new ideas, experiences, and challenges without feeling overwhelmed or threatened. People with strong boundaries are often more resilient in the face of adversity. They can better cope with stress, setbacks, and difficult life events because they have a foundation of self-care and self-preservation.
Tips for Setting Boundaries
Confidently setting boundaries or saying “no” can be really uncomfortable at first. It helps immensely to be prepared, confident & sure of the boundary you want to set and the reasons behind it. It’s important to consider your own current stress levels and feelings too.
10 questions you can ask yourself in order to feel prepared and confident in boundary setting
1. What is the specific boundary I want to set?
Get clear and be concise about the boundary you want to set. Distinguish between temporary boundaries for specific situations and enduring boundaries.
Eg. I no longer want to work weekends.
2. Why do I need to set this boundary?
Understand the underlying reasons and motivations behind the boundary. Is it for your well-being, values, self-care or personal growth?
Eg. Working weekends means I don’t have time to relax & recharge which affects my mental health.
3. What are the potential consequences of setting this boundary?
Consider how others might react and the impact it may have on your relationship with them.
Eg. My employer may be disappointed, I might not get a promotion, or my job might be at risk.
4. Is this boundary reasonable and fair to all parties involved?
Evaluate whether the boundary is realistic and respectful of the needs and rights of others.
Eg. Yes, I am not contractually obligated to work weekends & did not agree to weekend work.
5. Have I communicated my needs and expectations clearly to those involved?
Ensure that the people affected by your boundary are aware of your needs and the reasons behind the boundary.
Eg. I intend to write an honest email to management and offer to discuss this further privately, in person at a time that is convenient.
6. Am I prepared to enforce this boundary if necessary?
Consider consequences or actions to uphold the boundary if it is challenged or disregarded.
Eg. Yes, my contract of employment will support me legally.
7. Is there room for negotiation or compromise on this boundary?
Consider whether there is flexibility for adjustments or compromises that can satisfy both your needs and the needs of others.
Eg. I would consider working at the weekend once every 3 months as a last resort.
8. Am I being consistent in applying this boundary to similar situations?
Ensure that you are not setting arbitrary or inconsistent boundaries, as this can lead to confusion.
Eg. Yes, I will not take on any other weekend work.
9. Is the time and place suitable?
Examine whether the boundary is a response to a genuine need for your wellbeing, rather than a reaction to current mood, discomfort or fear. Consider the timing, the environment and the method you’ll use to communicate the boundary.
Eg. I have taken time to consider the reasoning behind this boundary and therefore I am confident I am not being reactive to any frustration I may be feeling.
10. How will I handle resistance, criticism, or pushback from others regarding this boundary?
Explore strategies for managing potential conflict or disagreements that may arise.
Eg. I will stay strong in holding my boundary and explain that looking after my mental health, finding balance and avoiding burnout is a priority that will benefit my employer in the long run.
It can be helpful to record your answers to these questions so that you can step away from them for a little while. Doing so allows you time to digest, correct or update your answers before taking steps towards communicating any boundaries.
In summary, boundaries are really essential for protecting our mental health and overall well-being. They provide a framework for healthy relationships, personal growth, and self-care, and they help us navigate life's challenges with greater resilience and balance.
Learning to establish and maintain appropriate boundaries is a valuable skill that can significantly enhance our quality of life.