When Ronny Met Ally - X Rated

I'm so old I can remember when the Old Firm game was contested by two decent sides.

The irony is the next meeting of the two clubs will be the biggest in the 126 year history of their conflict, but it will be played out between two of the less distinguished teams to wear their respective colours.

It'll also be the case that blue jerseys and green and white hoops will be among the only recognisable features by the time the pair of them collide at Hampden in the semi-finals of the League Cup.

Now that Derek Llambias has been installed as a non-executive director at Ibrox, effectively Mike Ashley's man on the inside at Rangers, Ally McCoist will need eyes in the back of his head and a decent sequence of results before the game with Celtic comes along.

Otherwise he'll suffer the consequences of being under the gimlet-eyed control of men who owe no allegiance to anyone on the basis of previously sterling service delivered on the club's behalf.

Celtic, meanwhile, are firmly up against a wall that stretches from the boardroom to the dressing room.

Is it conceivable they could lose Kris Commons, Adam Matthews, Virgil Van Dijk and John Guidetti in a January transfer window that's now become an even greater source of concern since Saturday night's cup draw ?

And Ronny Deila's results in domestic and European competition will come under the same unforgiving scrutiny as McCoist's performance on the park between now and the New Year.

The Norwegian could also have done himself a massive favour by not cranking up the tension associated with the renewal of an ancient rivalry by suggesting Rangers weren't the toughest opponents Celtic could have got in the last four of the League Cup.

It's true, but, in the swirling madness of these matters, that's not the point.

Ronny apparently has a life coach in Norway who works on him with regard to how Deila deals with "Situations and conflicts."

I don't care who he is, the Scandinavian soul brother has absolutely no conception of what his client is about to go through in Glasgow over the next three months.

John Collins and John Kennedy, his touchline lieutenants, should have jumped in to counsel against what Deila thought was innocent banter and advised him it was in fact the verbal equivalent of sweating dynamite.

We are, how should I put it, unique in these parts when it comes to the confrontation between two sides who are separated by, what shall we call it, cultural differences.

And the pressure on Deila to win this match is horrendous.

If Rangers lose then they can always fall back on the excuse that they're from a lower division, involved in a period of transition and throw in anything else you care to mention in mitigation.

His opposite number doesn't have that luxury.

If Celtic lose then Ronny would be as well walking into the centre circle at Hampden, waving to the fans in the Kings Park end and then quietly heading for that part of the M8 motorway which connects the National Stadium to Glasgow Airport.

There's no life coach currently in practice who can help arrange the consequences of defeat in this cup tie into a manageable package for the man in charge of Celtic.

A grief counsellor, perhaps. A General Practitioner with an appropriate strength of sedative to prescribe to someone suffering from shock, maybe.

But this one goes beyond the bragging rights. Way beyond.

The best part of three years apart as a result of the game's politics, and Rangers' mismanagement of their business affairs, will have done nothing to ensure that absence has made the heart grow fonder for those who follow both clubs.

There will be a level of aggravation, aggression and intolerance in the air unsurpassed in the annals of Old Firm history, and it'll be the media who'll get the blame for allegedly whipping it up.

It is the convenient route traditionally taken by those who need to blame others for their own anti-social behaviour.

There's nothing which makes the narrow minded, extremist element of the Old Firm's support base more narrow minded and extreme than being told to mind their manners, or reminded of their previous when it comes to malevolent mayhem.

We are at the mercy of fate where they're concerned and there is no pro-active measure which can be taken to prevent the innocent from being hostages to fortune as they go about their law-abiding business on whichever day the semi-final takes place.

I only hope the misguided don't see Scotland's forthcoming Euro 2016 qualifier with the Republic of Ireland at Celtic Park as the opportunity to hijack an eagerly anticipated match for unruly purposes.

The Republic's manager, Martin O'Neill, has already mentioned the need to ask Aiden McGeady and James McCarthy, his Glasgow-born players, if they're comfortable with the occasion.

Throw in Roy Keane and Robbie Keane and the dim-witted could have a field day on a Friday night just to get them in the mood for the big picture.

On Saturday I had the unadulterated pleasure of watching Hamilton Accies draw three-all with Partick Thistle in the Premiership.

Great goals, the course of the game swinging in favour of one team to the other like a pendulum on heat and a then a twist in the plot which came with virtually the last kick of the ball. Great stuff and a credit to Scottish football as a whole.

The only problem was the game was watched by 2,855 people.

They could put Celtic up against Rangers at midnight in Benbecula while charging one hundred pounds a ticket and you'd still be guaranteed a full house.

And nobody there would give a damn if the game was uglier than sin so long as their team emerged triumphant at the end of it all.

But that's the deal and we just have to get on with it.

May the best team win? Don't make me laugh.