Hugh Keevins: Sunday's semi-final winner gets the cup as well

If a nineteen year old called David Mullins can win the Grand National could a nineteen year old by the name of Patrick Roberts win the derby for Celtic?

Ordinarily that would be a harmless, whimsical play on words as the semi final of the Scottish Cup approaches this weekend.

But we have now entered that lockdown period where a play on words is a provocation and the suggestion somebody could win a cup tie for Celtic is automatically taken to mean the person toying with the verbals desperately wants to see a defeat for Rangers.

Ladies and gentleman please fasten your seat belts, make sure that your seat is in the upright position and extinguish all smiles. The Old Firm jet is set to taxi down the runway and take-off is approaching.

The fact that Hampden's pitch is having to be restored yet again and a tie that will be watched by a mammoth television audience nationwide will take place less than twenty four hours after the other semi-finalists have had first use of it is really neither here nor there.

They could put Rangers versus Celtic on in the Hampden car park and nobody would notice the difference. I refuse to call it the National Stadium, because it isn't.

Showpiece games are played on Queens Park's home pitch, which they are allowed to wear out and force the periodic ceremony of the relaying of the turf. The hagard turf as opposed to the once hallowed turf.

But that's another argument for another time and there's no time to consider anything but Glasgow's bragging rights.

I particularly liked the caller to Superscoreboard on Saturday night who said he was now in the grip of pre-match butterflies. He didn't answer when I asked, sarcastically, if he was able to take solids or was having liquidised food fed through a straw.

The poor man was too over-wrought to indulge in simple conversation.

But, whether you're too anxious to swallow or not, digest this suggestion and see if it stays down.

The winner of Sunday's derby wins the Scottish Cup in my opinion. If Celtic or Rangers can't beat Hibs or Dundee United in their current state of disarray then they really have to ask themselves if they're in the right line of work.

And recent history would also suggest that if Rangers win on Sunday they'll be the next recipients of Celtic's generosity at Hampden.

Celtic haven't so much risen to the occasion there in recent years as slumped to the occasion under Neil Lennon and then Ronny Deila.

Lennon's first game in interim charge of Celtic brought a Scottish Cup semi-final defeat from Ross County and he also knew the feeling of losing two League Cup finals there to Rangers and then Kilmarnock.

Then there was the League Cup semi-final lost to St. Mirren, who went on to beat Hearts in the final, and the Scottish Cup semi-final loss to Hearts, who went on to defeat Hibs.

Deila lost to Inverness Caley Thistle in the Scottish Cup semi-final last season, with the Highlanders going on to win the cup for the first time ever when they beat Falkirk.

And the Norwegian was similarly disappointed by Ross County in this season's League Cup semi final, with the other half of the Highlands taking the prize after defeating Hibs.

If all of that under achievement doesn't suggest vast room for improvement then I don't know what does.

But this is where mentality means as much as ability. It will take strong minds to assert Celtic's superiority over a Rangers team encouraged by their success in winning promotion back to the top level of Scottish football. And it will be the club's biggest embarassment in Old Firm history if they fail.

Mark Warburton can play the underdog card if Rangers lose on Sunday. Deila will have no excuses acceptable to the Celtic support. There will be no goodwill credit in the bank, only speculation over whether the manager's account should be closed.

That's the reality.

The next seven days will be spent in a whirlpool of conjecture and verbal conflict and all telephone callers will be readily accomodated on Superscoreboard. Say what you like within the usual legal boundaries because it's open season on speculation until the game is over and one set of fans has to confront the truth of the matter, whatever that might be.

There's an old joke which begins with "Only a fool would predict the outcome of an Old Firm match," followed by a prediction for a punchline.

But the time is fast approaching when forecasts will be demanded of those on our programme. I have mine ready and will reveal it upon Gerry McCulloch's invitation to do so.

If I'm wrong, those who get to comment with the benefit of hindsight will say they expected nothing less. If I'm correct, there'll be a conspiracy theory tied in with why that happened.

Like I said, extinguish all smiles and hold on tight. It's going to be a bumpy ride.