Increasing numbers of Scottish dads ditch ‘man pride’ to share care at home

Increasing numbers of Scottish fathers are turning their backs on the cultural phenomenon of ‘man pride’ to get more involved in family life and ‘share the care’, according to new figures from Family Friendly Working Scotland.

The figures, released as part of a report with Bright Horizons, show 40 per cent of working fathers in Scotland say they work flexibly. Nearly one in five (17%) cite caring responsibilies, such as looking after their children as the reason they work flexibly.More than half of working fathers drop off (54%) or pick up (55%) their children from school or childcare at least half the time.

Davy MacIver and Maree Aldam share work and caring responsibilities for their 20-month-old son, Soren.

Davy works as a senior adviser for Shelter Scotland’s helpline. Maree is chief executive of the International Network of Street Papers, a small charity based in Glasgow.

They took shared parental leave when Soren was born, each taking several blocks of parental leave throughout the year. Davy now works fulltime hours compressed into four days, while Maree works part-time doing the equivalent of four days a week, some of which she does from home.

The family lives in Glasgow. They are expecting their second child in September.

Davy, 37, said: “I’d always wanted to be more involved in my children’s upbringing and Maree’s job comes with a lot of responsibility, so shared parental leave gave us both the opportunity to keep working and share the care of our baby.

“The time was unforgettable. It was hard work but amazing. I felt so proud of what I was doing. It felt like a good thing for Soren, a good thing for me and a good thing for Maree. It all felt right.

“Maree and I have always shared everything and us both looking after Soren has embedded that culture even further.

“Sometimes I do feel a pang of ‘man pride’ that I should just be working and earning as much as possible. But I know it’s ridiculous. That’s not how families need to be any more.

“I have a day a week at home with Soren and I love it. I feel I have a really strong bond with him because of the time I can spend with him.

“I was one of the first fathers to take shared parental leave at Shelter. Since then a colleague has taken it too. Whenever I hear someone talking about it, I encourage them to do it.

“All the men I speak to want to be more involved in family life. I think the issue is much more about the financial side – the amount of income they’d lose if they took shared parental leave - that puts people off rather than a societal attitude about what role dads should play.”

Maree, also 37, said: “Shared parental leave felt like a no-brainer for us. It meant I could maintain a presence at work and Davy didn’t have to miss out on all those first milestones for Soren.

“Soren gets to spend time with both parents and Davy and I have both had a similar experience of Soren’s life. There’s definitely a sense that we’re doing this together and there’s no resentment about who’s doing what. It’s brought us even closer.”

Nikki Slowey, Joint Programme Director at Family Friendly Working Scotland, said: “Just a generation ago fathers often disappeared before dawn and returned long after bedtime to bring home the bacon. But times are changing. As women strive for equality in the workplace, it opens up opportunities for men to play a more direct role in their children’s lives.

“The old sense of ‘man pride’ is still around but we will soon be at a tipping point where that term is reclaimed by men who feel as proud of their role with their family as they do about their earning ability.

“Sharing work and caring responsibilites is a great way for mothers and fathers to get the best of both worlds. What we need now is for employers to embrace flexible working for women and men. It’s not just women who want or need flexible roles. We know people are more productive and engaged and less likely to leave if they have a good work life balance - regardless of their gender – all of which is good for business.

“Normalising flexible ways of working for men and women will give families genuine options to find the right work life balance for them.